Update

We took E to the LC yesterday for a weight check. Thank God, she was up 2 more ounces. The LC told us to continue the super switching but to reduce the pumping to every other feeding. The hope is that my supply has increased to the point where E alone will be able to maintain it, provided that she stays active. Tomorrow we go to the doctor for a weight check. If she has gained then we might be able to drop the pumping altogether. If not, well, I don't want to think about it. I was able to get two consecutive hours of sleep last night which is more than I've had at one time since going into labor. Hopefully things will continue to improve. For now tomorrow is the next hurdle.

No Rest for the Weary

E and I were so good at being pregnant. It seems that since whichever one of our biological processes ended that relationship everything has gone cattywampus. Currently we are winding our way through lactational hell, or if not hell, then purgatory at the very least. The Friday after we left the hospital our doctor weighed E at the office and was pleased to see that she had regained her birthweight. I left with instructions to keep doing exactly what I had been doing. Fast forward exactly one week later (last Friday for those keeping score) and another visit to the doctor revealed that E had lost weight. Of course I felt like the worst mother in the world, but the doctor seemed to think that it was a supply issue and that with help from the lactation consultant things would turn around.

Saturday we had a visit from our lovely LC. This woman has helped maintain my sanity in more ways than I can count. Essentially, E is a lazy so-and-so. She does not like to work for her food and likes to fall asleep mid-meal. Because she wasn't feeding vigorously enough my body responded by decreasing production. In order to try to increase my supply, I have to nurse her on one side for 10 minutes, switch to the other side for another 10, then rinse and repeat for 5 minutes per side. Then after that is done I pump for another 10. During and in between these switches I have to try to keep E awake. This entails baby sit-ups, poking the feet, flicking the ear, and wet washcloths on the back. The whole process takes about an hour. Then I have an hour to an hour and a half before I have to start all over again. E does get whatever I pump by bottle once I've collected an ounce, so that occasionally adds another step. But, praise God, as of yesterday she had gained back 2.5 ounces when the LC checked her weight.

I am exhausted both physically and emotionally. My body is wearing out and I'm getting an upper respiratory thing to prove it. If it weren't for my mom I would not be able to do this. She watches the baby while I'm pumping or trying to get a quick shower or nap She feeds and takes care of me and the house so I can feed my baby. Honestly, I completely understand why so many women give up and do formula. I have been so tempted to chuck it all and supplement. But I'm fighting on. Tomorrow E goes for another weight check. Please pray that she gains more and that my supply continues to increase.

I feel like I am missing so much of these early days because all I am doing is serving as a dairy cow. I had so looked forward to a great nursing relationship, you know, something serene and beautiful, like the statues of the Madonna and child. That has downgraded itself into me fighting to give E the physical benefits of exclusive breastfeeding by hook or by crook. I've been praying constantly and I know that my prayers are heard - it's waiting on the answers that's hard.

God's Own Child, I Gladly Say It

Since the little one has come it's been a wild ride indeed. To make things less complicated we'll call her "E." Last Sunday night when E was four days old we had to rush her to the ER. We knew that she was jaundiced, but the postpartum nurses that had checked on us every day since the birth assured us it was nothing more than normal physiological jaundice and with frequent nursing should have resolved itself in a week. Sunday night E became rapidly and increasingly lethargic. We called the on-call doctor for our practice and upon hearing those symptoms he advised us to take her to the nearest hospital.

The end result was that while E's billirubin levels were elevated, they were not out of the expected range for a four day old baby. She was put under the billi-lites and given IV fluids. Manny and I fought formula supplementation and I was able to nurse her exclusively. Though the hospital doctors tried to pin her problem on breastfeeding and being born at home they were unable to do so because she actually gained weight and there are many other infants her age born in hospitals that find themselves back again for just the same thing.

We had always intended to have her baptized quickly, but that Sunday night, actually early Monday morning, was a little quicker than we had bargained for. Our wonderful Pastor came on the fly and performed an emergency baptism in the ER. It was not the way that we had envisioned for our daughter to be made part of God's family. We had very much been looking forward to bringing her to the font in the presence of our brothers and sisters in Christ with whom we worship every week, as well as our families, who while they are members of the una sancta, do not share our confession of faith. But in the end, the most important thing is that E has been baptized into Christ. Should the worst have happened that night, or God forbid that it should happen any other, we have the blessed assurance that our daughter will be in heaven. It doesn't matter that the ER staff would not even provide us with so much as a bedpan to hold the water. It doesn't matter that instead of a font, the water was held in my mom's cupped hands while Pastor poured it over her head. What a comfort that God's Word is effective whether you soberly and solemnly say the Creed or are sobbing it with near hysteria knowing that your baby is suffering.

The hospital experience was trying and stressful. I was hanging on by a very thin and frayed thread. (In my defense I hadn't slept but maybe 3 hours since going into labor.) In hindsight, we are grateful that the problem was not more serious than it was. It was relatively easily resolved and she will not have any detrimental after-effects. Our doctor saw her on Friday and pronounced her "fabulous and perfectly healthy." She has even regained her birthweight. E. made a mother out of me not when she was born, but when she was in pain. If I could have, I would gladly have put myself in her place so that she would not have to suffer.

As you might imagine, all of this coupled with the postpartum hormones has made for some really fun times. God bless Manny and my mom for putting up with me as I frequently dissolve into a puddle with no good explanation. Today is the first day that I have felt somewhat back in control. We were able to figure out the Hotsling, and were able to have a productive afternoon trying to get things organized so that we can get into some sort of routine. Heretofore everything seemed willy-nilly. I am really hoping that we can get some good sleep tonight. That will be the most helpful of all as I am keenly feeling the sleep deficit incurred since the 18th of August.

I'll be back at some point to tell the tale of 36 hours of natural labor, but for right now prayers for good sleep would be much appreciated!