No Rest for the Weary

E and I were so good at being pregnant. It seems that since whichever one of our biological processes ended that relationship everything has gone cattywampus. Currently we are winding our way through lactational hell, or if not hell, then purgatory at the very least. The Friday after we left the hospital our doctor weighed E at the office and was pleased to see that she had regained her birthweight. I left with instructions to keep doing exactly what I had been doing. Fast forward exactly one week later (last Friday for those keeping score) and another visit to the doctor revealed that E had lost weight. Of course I felt like the worst mother in the world, but the doctor seemed to think that it was a supply issue and that with help from the lactation consultant things would turn around.

Saturday we had a visit from our lovely LC. This woman has helped maintain my sanity in more ways than I can count. Essentially, E is a lazy so-and-so. She does not like to work for her food and likes to fall asleep mid-meal. Because she wasn't feeding vigorously enough my body responded by decreasing production. In order to try to increase my supply, I have to nurse her on one side for 10 minutes, switch to the other side for another 10, then rinse and repeat for 5 minutes per side. Then after that is done I pump for another 10. During and in between these switches I have to try to keep E awake. This entails baby sit-ups, poking the feet, flicking the ear, and wet washcloths on the back. The whole process takes about an hour. Then I have an hour to an hour and a half before I have to start all over again. E does get whatever I pump by bottle once I've collected an ounce, so that occasionally adds another step. But, praise God, as of yesterday she had gained back 2.5 ounces when the LC checked her weight.

I am exhausted both physically and emotionally. My body is wearing out and I'm getting an upper respiratory thing to prove it. If it weren't for my mom I would not be able to do this. She watches the baby while I'm pumping or trying to get a quick shower or nap She feeds and takes care of me and the house so I can feed my baby. Honestly, I completely understand why so many women give up and do formula. I have been so tempted to chuck it all and supplement. But I'm fighting on. Tomorrow E goes for another weight check. Please pray that she gains more and that my supply continues to increase.

I feel like I am missing so much of these early days because all I am doing is serving as a dairy cow. I had so looked forward to a great nursing relationship, you know, something serene and beautiful, like the statues of the Madonna and child. That has downgraded itself into me fighting to give E the physical benefits of exclusive breastfeeding by hook or by crook. I've been praying constantly and I know that my prayers are heard - it's waiting on the answers that's hard.